Hands down, one of my favorite rappers used to be Lupe Fiasco. We haven’t necessarily parted ways, because I respect his talent, but we’ve just grown apart. I liked Cool Young Lu because he was intelligent, lyrically talented, and not afraid to mash on society or politics. I was jamming on pandora one day and ‘The Coolest’ came on. It’s funny how you can hear something so many times and not really realize what you’re listening to or what exactly you’re hearing. Verse one opens up with…
“I Love the Lord, but sometimes it’s like I love me more.”
And it’s like I said, the song isn’t new. I’ve heard it before, but I wasn’t really hearing it. But this time I heard it, and I think I heard it this time because I felt it. I felt it in my gut. Lupe had just put into words what I put into action. “I love the Lord, but sometimes it’s like I love me more.”
See love is something I’ve been struggling with. I was telling my pastor of my struggles to love people and he dropped a line that also hit me in my gut. He said, “You know we always think that there’s this one person that we’re bad at loving without realizing that we’re bad at loving everyone, including God.”
Immediately I was on the defense, saying to myself, “I love people! I love my family and close friends!” Right? And then it was like someone pushed play on a horror film inside of my head. I saw myself being unloving to the people I claimed to love the most. I saw myself answering phone calls only when it’s convenient for me. I saw myself interacting with these people, but mostly when it benefited me. I saw myself sitting stationary, knowing that someone needed Godly advice, knowing that they needed guidance and needed to talk. Forget first fruits, I saw myself giving God the last of all my fruits. I went on to name this horror film ‘I love you, but I love me more.’ I was disgusted.
I’m not struggling to love people or God; I’m struggling to get over myself. We have got to fight to walk as living sacrifices. Remember what it took for you to get saved? Remember the emotions you felt at your lowest time of brokenness-anger, frustration, depression-remember the mess you made when you were doing things your way? Can you see what placing your faith in Jesus Christ has done in your life, can you see the change? How can we still want to hold onto ourselves. I was hopeless without Him, I still am hopeless without Him, and I always will be hopeless without Him.
That’s enough motivation for me to let go of myself. That’s enough motivation for me to worship God. That’s enough for me to love God for what He’s done and translate the love that I receive from Him into love that I now give to others. I want to wake up every day and feel exactly like I’m mourning the loss of someone I loved dearly …