HIM vs him

I live in a world of hypocriticism

Socialism, opportunism, and injusticism

(I know that’s not a word,

But it fit my rhyme-isms)

We voted a man in because we wanted a “change”

But all that we’ve received is a darker face

Don’t get me wrong this poem isn’t about him

It’s about us,

And our relationship with HIM

Not the him in the  White House

But the HIM that’s our lighthouse

For HIM we sing hymns

Of conquered trials and tribulations, and most importantly joy

We teach the story of HIM to young girls and boys

In hopes that they’ll grow up the way in which we teach

Knowing that HIM’s within our reach…

Unlike the him seen vacationing on a foreign beach

And who sits behind a desk

Analyzing spreadsheets

Of war and terror

Confused about his next move

All the while, the other HIM is trying to prepare you

With the armor you need to succeed

Because the enemy of HIM

Will eternally experience defeat…

But we’re more worried about what him was wearing

Or what him’s kids were doing

If him will end up like the previous him

So we can ask who him’s been screwing

Don’t get me wrong,

I’m not trying to condemn

You see, I too am a victim

Of being caught up in the “exciting” world of him

When my focus should be on HIM,

HIM who saved me

HIM who raised me

And blessed me

But no, I’m letting the decisions of him/HIM stress me

Questioning

HIM’s existence

And relevance in my life

I’d rather listen to him

Or better yet, him’s wife

Because she’s a “strong black woman”

And she married him

So they must be legit

Can I get an Amen?

Wait, wait. What am I saying?

I’m supposed to be praying

To the Magnificent One

Better yet known as HIM

It’s so hard when HIM’s enemy

Is constantly trying to distract me

Unknowingly attack me

I don’t know it’s happening

Lies become as-a-matter-of-factly’s

But I’m living in excuses,

So let me take a step back and see…

Breathe. Inhale. Release.

Regather my thoughts

Go to my sword, the Word

HIM’s Word.

As I read,

Realizations appear

Now it all makes sense

I can comprehend

The “change” that we want

It comes from within

It’s refocusing on HIM

Put it like that and I understand

The phrase is perfectly relevant,

Yes We Can.

Misguided Faith

I hear all the time from my elders that I’ve yet to truly experience life or “Just wait ’til you’re older. You’ll understand then.” Although my struggles may not replicate theirs exactly, I definitely have experienced some things in my life that haven’t only shaped who I am, but have also made me realize the importance and necessity of putting my faith in Christ and not in things of this world.

3 Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. 4 When their spirit departs they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing.

Psalms 146: 3-4 (NIV)

There was a time when I believed only a man could inspirit me. At first I just yearned for the attention, the sense of being wanted, or better yet, desired. The tomboy in high school suddenly gained curves (thanks to southern cooking), and I enjoyed the attention from the opposite sex. My clothes became tighter, skirts and shorts went shorter, and tops became low-cut or backless. I started dating older men when I was 19. The more I thought my father, the pastor, would disapprove of them, the more I gravitated towards them. Yet, in January 2005, life took an unexpected turn.

28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

Ephesians 5: 28-30 (NKJV)


I think the fight lasted all of ten minutes, the bruises a week, but the emotional pain, years. A man had never put his hands on me. I fought my brothers but that was just your typical sibling rivalry. I remember being choked, slapped, punched, and any other type of hit known to man. I was confused, lost. This man that I wanted to marry, who I had been with for a year, suddenly saw me as a punching bag. I lost my joy. I left him that day, but two months later I was back. Our relationship was off and on for another two years. During one particular six-month off period, I dated a defensive end. I thought maybe I need to date someone new, and a football player brought popularity. Yet three months in, he did the same thing, except the pain was even worse. I figured two guys, three years, it’s not them, it’s me. I’m the problem. It’s my fault.

In my longest relationship, which lasted nearly four years, besides being beaten, I had passed out from being strangled, been pushed out of a moving car, visited an emergency room, had my body thrown into objects such as bed, tables, lamps, windows, etc., and even being locked out of my own apartment being forced to sleep outside in the cold. While the person I dated may have changed, there were too many constants:

  1. Every relationship involved violence, and it was getting worse with each one;
  2. I never had the true courage to leave unless another man came along; and
  3. I never asked God for forgiveness or put my faith in Him.

For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Romans 10: 13 (ESV)

When you feel you’re at your lowest, you can’t do anything but look up. This time, I didn’t look for a man. I looked for Christ. All this time, I blamed Him. I look back now and realize, how can I blame someone I never put my faith in? God was always there for me. I just chose not to follow Him. It’s amazing that when I redirected my faith in Him, and not in earthly wonders, God rearranged my circumstances, my acquaintances, and my emotions. I can’t honestly say I had anything to do with it. Even typing this blog, I cry tears. Not of pain or anger, but rather tears of joy. I really have looked at where I’ve been and where I am now, and I can’t help but smile and just exclaim, “Thank you, LORD!”

14 Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.

1 John 5:14 (NKJV)


I put my faith in Christ, and instead of asking for a significant other, I asked for guidance and to allow me to befriend others with a like-mind to not only grow, but also to avoid the temptations and deceptions of satan (I choose not to capitalize his name because in my eyes, he’s not worthy). Not only did God hear me, but He blessed me to the point that my cup ran over! I found, or rather, He led me to The City, and truthfully, I fell in love with them immediately. I found my brothers and sisters in Christ! Also, He gave me an amazing man, a man who actually loves God first. The first time I put ALL my faith God, He showered me with His many blessings. So while I may only be in my twenties, I don’t want/have to wait a lifetime to experience God’s grace! Besides, that’s the only experience that truly matters.