#TheMorningAfter

#themorningafter from LEGS1015 on Vimeo.

We are all at the age where we’ve experienced “love,” waking up next to the wrong person, thought about getting married and being involved in relationships!  Tomorrow night will give us all the opportunity to discuss these relevant topics and to seek common ground and a solution on the issues that may arise from each experience.  Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts and opinions on The Morning After!

Hosted by Symone Parker and Andre Kohn with a panel of intelligent and opinionated individuals, this event should be one to remember!!!  Come out and share your experiences with others!

Date: Tuesday, April 12

Time: 7:00pm – 10:00pm

Location: KIVA ROOM (on the University of Houston campus).
This room is located in Farish Hall, College of Education.

We hope to see you all and to hear what you all have to say on these topics!!! #themorningafter.

thank You

Man this is the realist blog I ever wrote.

During this Christmas break I had been extra lazy in all aspects of life, I have seriously been “doing me.” Lately, I have been pursing whatever makes ME happy (<_<) yes! I have been going to church, blogging about God, leading different groups speaking about God, and talking to those who would like to confide in me about their faith and/or struggles. I have been doing all the “good works” to get my golden ticket into heaven. I had been talking about God but not talking TO GOD. In my daily activity, I have been lacking my one-on-one time with God, my Creator, the Creator.

Man! if i wasn’t hanging out with other Christians you probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between me and someone who live for the world, thats how bad i was “doing me”

I had to stop and look at myself and ask “Do I truly believe?” because my actions were not reflecting ones of a believer. Thoughts rolled around in my head, as to why I was not repenting? Honestly, why was I not remorseful at the time? I understand that once the Holy Spirit resides in every crevice of your heart and never leaves, so why did I not hear anything? Or was I even listening to hear something? I knew my actions were horrible, but I did nothing to correct it. It was not until I had a conversation with an old friend that I finally heard the Holy Spirit.

The old friend and I were going back and forth with updates on our lives, minutes into the conversation I was asked about my beliefs and if I still believed. After I spoke about God and the changes in my life, my friend then went into the many reason as to why they did not believe. Nevertheless, the argument used for their opposition is one I have heard before time and time again from a close friend. Oddly, this time hearing the argument of objectives truths and what not took a toll on me. Minutes into listening to their views I felt depleted. In hindsight, I have no idea it was by God’s strength, and His strength alone, that I sat their with a straight( if even) face. Minutes into this conversation my heart truly hurt. My heart hurt because with the same breath God has graced us with, my friend denies Him. My heart hurt because they refuse to see the beauty of God. This is when I heard God speaking to me, This is when God placed that thirst and hunger in me to seek His face in all things.

Time and time again I have to watch my actions and make sure I am not trying to work my way in to heaven with good deeds.I cannot fill my schedule with deeds for God then turn around and live an unrepentant sin filled life. It’s an oxymoron.

“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.”-I John 1:5-6

I say this time and time again, one can not serve two masters (I can not serve God and the World) Either i will love one and hate the other.(Either i will love the world and hate God)

No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.-Matthew 6:24

Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.-Luke 11:23

I truly know that conversation was God ordained…on God’s perfect time. That conversation just held a mirror to my face and forced me to see what I had already realized. So i pray i continuously seek God in all things daily, minutely, secondly, with every breath God allows (YES! its that crucial) I pray that everyday Jesus doing all the work on the cross is at the forefront of my thoughts. Lastly, I pray I realize daily that  God has given me the strength to walk it out.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.-Matthew 6:33

” Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” -Philippians 2:12-13

my heart

i love this necklace i stole received from my mom. It is a heart with a key hole in the middle. for some reason I love that.

i always thought that only one person held the key to my heart, and i now see that to be true. once upon a time, i thought while in my college years a nice young gentleman would come and sweep me off my feet, and have the key to my heart. (#fail) (#Lsup) Although, it is true that a person holds the “key” to your heart, that one person is Jesus Christ. When I finally accepted Christ into my life as my Lord and Savior, Christ came in and He opened my heart and let me feel again. I no longer have an “ice box” where my heart use to be. I now know how meaningful the heart truly is.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

and since Christ dwells in my heart I have to be careful what I let in and what i treasure the most. Before Christ dwelled, many idols took up refuge in my heart. Such as, my outward appearance, money, clothes, drinks, and having fun. However, when Christ came, all those idols had to evacuate because i can not serve two masters.

Luke 16:13 “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

In the scripture where it says “money” I can replace that with anything. Anything that i placed in front of Christ,anything that i felt i needed/was as a slave to. However, since God became man and punished my sin by dying a horrible death on that cross, i am no longer a slave to sin (Romans 6) and i freely give up my life to gain life

Matthew 16:26 What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

so lets ask ourselves what or who dwells in our hearts?

Matthew 6:19-21 (New International Version)

Treasures in Heaven

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

heal me.

I write this as something that has been weighing heavy on my heart. I write this because I have only told no more than a few people. I write this because I once couldn’t talk about it without a hand full of tears.

A few years ago, my sophomore year in college, I was living a reckless and meaningless life. I went to school during the day and worked the clubs at night.  However, as time passed and as the money started to get good, I placed more importance on work, rather than school. Pretty soon my work was all I really had. The money was good so I really had no complaints, but with that mentality, I made no room for other things such as school, family, friends, and dating. This was not until I ran into an old classmate at the local grocer, and there we exchanged numbers with hopes of catching dinner to reminisce and play catch-up.  After I walked away from the conversation, I had no real intention of following through with anything we planned. Like I said, I was busy with making money. I had no time for anything else. After exchanging numbers, he persistently called me and text me, trying to arrange a time where we could meet up. After a couple of missed calls and unresponsive texts, it went from “let’s hang out” to “I want to take you out to dinner.” It was only when he expressed a small crush on me that I started to respond and warm up to the idea of a date. Weeks went by until we finally arranged a time and place to meet.

So I cleared my work schedule for this particular night for us to go out on a date. In my head, I did not trust many people due to my work environment, but I went to high school with this guy, so I let my guard down. He picked me up from the house and took me to, what then, I thought was a fancy restaurant. That night he was the perfect gentleman.  Because of his kind actions I started to think there could be a second date in our cards. It was not until the night was coming to an end when things took a turn for the worst. What first started out as just hanging out after dinner, he then popped in the “movie.” But we never made it mid-way into the movie until, of course, he made his move on me. What was then welcome turned into uncomfort. My moving away and “NO” was not enough to stop this guy from whatever he had on his agenda.  I could only lay there as an unwilling participant, waiting for the moment to be over. What may have been 10 minutes felt like an eternity.

I had just been raped.

After that I went straight home to wash off the night, the experience, and the shame off my body. But days of scrubbing and washing did not rid the shame. Shame then turned to anger toward everyone around. My anger was even aimed at God.  I thought I was His child? Why would He allow someone I knew from highschool make me another victim? I thought He would never leave me! I was so angry at the world that I started acting out my anger consciously and subconsciously.

This is when the heavy drinking kicked in. I drank so much it became daily. This is when I started offering up my body to anyone who was interested. This is when I no longer cared. My mindset at the time was, “its just sex, no big deal anymore.” I was so selfish in thinking, that all I could do was look at myself as a victim. It never dawned on me that I was not alone. I never once thought to look to Jesus as my healer. Instead, I looked to alcohol, money, altering my exterior, and another man to heal me. But none of those things lasted. It was not until I had enough of the rebellion that I came crawling back to God to forgive me and heal my open wounds. I told him to take my life, because if He didn’t, my rebellion (sin) would just lead to me killing myself. I am so glad He answered my cry, because I was tired of playing the victim with the baggages of hurt, shame, and guilt.

Its not that God had left me, it’s that I never wanted to hear his voice. I never thought He was sufficient to heal my pain. I selfishly belittled God’s power with doubt.  However, I can now say that I have forgiven the situation, because my Father has forgiven me countless of times.  I know that although this has happened to me, and many of my sisters, it doesn’t take away from God’s love. And I know that because Jesus died on that cross, God accepts me.

I write this to you, not to evoke sympathy from you, and not to create an awakardness. But I write this so that you’ll know that you are free from your past. When you got saved, the old you died with Christ on that cross. When Christ rose on the third day, so did the new you. You are a new creature, who no longer has to carry the baggage of what has happened in the past. The past is your testimony to bring Glory to God. So go out and spread the good news of Jesus Christ. Tell em what God has done for you.

low down dirty

Today as I was walking up to my friend’s apartment complex, we approached a young woman screaming at the top of her lungs to a young man. This young lady was yelling at this particular guy about what appeared to be all the wrongs he had done to her. Also with her was a group of her “friends.” they were there for support. Now, the guy started voicing his opinions about her while yelling as well. He and her had nothing good to say about the other. As I walked by the pair to enter into the complex I couldn’t help but think that this young woman was one of many hurt individuals and this little boy was just that … a little boy.

To be honest, once I passed the pair and entered into the apartment, I didn’t think twice about the incident until the car ride home. Once my mind shifted towards this particular situation I could not help but think that I should have approach this young lady in humility. I should have gone up to her and offered some words. I have been in this same situation too many times to have not gone up to her and say something. Many times, we women, in our immature minds, think that yelling at a dude will allow him to feel how hurt we are. Many times we, women, feel like getting even or getting “one up” on him will hurt him or some how equal our pain. But the fact of the matter is that no matter how loud we yell and how “even” we get, this boy won’t get nor feel our pain. Nine times out of ten, he, being the little boy that he is, will write this woman’s hurt off as being psycho or crazy. This same little boy isn’t going to think about your hurt, he is just going to think of better ways to of going about his wrongdoings.

So my only regret that is haunting me is that I did not approach this young lady, because I have been her before. I have been her way too many times to not tell her the truth of the matter. I, being in Christ, should have offered myself to her. So now I all I can do is pray that God helps this particular broken heart. I pray that she seeks Jesus, our Lord and Savior. I pray that instead of looking for another man OR women to heal/help her she seeks Someone of greater power. My heart right now is full of regret that I did not help this girl out when she was in clear need.

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life – 1 Timothy 1:15

try again

So I got a BBM from my sister stating that its best to show people with my actions than filling up people’s timeline and newsfeeds about my new found “religiousness”. I followed that BBM with a response of how great God has been to me. Many times when we don’t understand grace, we take our lives for granted, like tomorrow is owed to us. I further explained to her that I only wanted to proclaim His greatness because he saved me from the messy horrible life i had been living.

I was your typical college student with no real direction. I knew where I wanted to end up just didn’t know how to get there. In the mean time, I choose to follow what this world told me 20 something year olds should be doing. Chasing parties, drinks, fashionable items, and the “in” crowd. “Girls just wanna have fun” right? Well, in my case that was by any means necessary. Whatever was “fun” I was in hot pursuit of it, never really thinking about the consequences such as my grades in school and the toll it would take on me emotionally and physically. Finally, about a year later, I had finally reached the peak and downfall of chasing my next drink, man, and whatever other feeble item I held at such a high position.

I started to search for the meaning of life. How exactly was I suppose to be living life? So I contacted a friend, who use to run the streets with me and gave it all up for a relationship with God. I emailed her and just gave her all my broken pieces and asked her how I could fix it. She later responded with a couple of sermons, songs, and Bible verses. She explained how these items she was sharing touched her dearly. So when I went to take a listen I expected these songs and Bible verses to touch me the same way they had touched her. However, I felt nothing from these songs and Bible verses; in fact I had no idea what the sermon was about. So I set back on my search. I thought maybe, i just need to have balance in life. so I got serious about school and balanced in partying and “socializing”. However, this perfect balance still did not satiate the yearn I had for the meaning of life. So I went back to my friend and asked for her to point me in the direction in which i can obtain the same happiness she had. Her response was “have you been to church?” —“UHHH NOOOO!!! Of course not! Why would I walk into a place where people are going to judge me and tell me all I have done wrong. I’m broken, not stupid.” She told me of a church in which was filled with young adults my age, she was very adamant that i just give it a try. Since that wasn’t the answer I was looking for I went BACK to what I knew best. But day after day I felt unsatisfied.  Nothing brought me happiness; I was just roaming living a mundane, monotonous life of a college student.

One day I told myself I was going to try out this church my friend had previously suggested. I was going to go to this Bible study after work. I got off work and headed to Bible study. Once I arrived at the church I sat in my car and tried to talk myself out of it. I sat there thinking of “better” things to do. I uttered to myself  “what’s the worst that can happen?”  Once I walked in the doors of Bible study, I was instantly greeted and welcomed. It was like God welcoming me, like He was waiting for me all along.  After I started attending Bible study, Church, and started reading the Bible myself, I realized what I had been searching for all along. God had been tugging on my heart, calling my name. I was just too ignorant to realize it was Him calling me and not the alcohol, not my “friends”, not my boyfriend, and not the “in” crowd.

So you see, this is why I fill up your timeline and minifeeds. God has been so gracious to me with giving me a day to live. So with every day i am spared is everyday I want to proclaim His goodness. I was empty searching for something/anything. When I finally accepted God into my life as my Lord and Savior, I stopped searching for the meaning of life.  God gives me meaning and life, so why would I not want to go out and tell others how they can stop chasing things and just follow God.

I serve an awesome God and for that I am forever thankful.

the catch.

I remember a specific point in my life where you could never catch me at home on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday night. The weekends were meant for running these Houston streets. Well in my mind they were.  Wherever my little jeep landed me and my girls is where we went. We would take hours to get ready, trying on different clothes, shoes, outfits and make-up. My girls and I always had an objective when we went out. Our objective was always to be the hottest girls wherever we went, leave the house with no money and get fully drunk! The mindset was if we spent money on clothing and shoes why should we spend money once we got to the club/party?  We would go to the club, roam the club and find our prey. The main goal was to land in VIP with bottomless bottles, but we would of course settle for the guy buying drinks at the bar.

Drinks after drinks, shots after shots, by the end of the night we were wasted and not in our right minds. With the mindset of getting “White boy wasted” none of us were able to be the sober mind for the group. So of course,  if that guy is buying you drinks all night he is expecting something, and if he is cute then it was no big deal. My friends and I would tag team guys at the bar and tag team after the bar.  See the thing is, in our mind it was an understood packaged deal of “fun”.

I remember, last spring break we partied for 5 days straight doing the same ol’ roaming and preying. It was five days of waking up and drinking then going to the club and preying. After those 5 days, I felt emptier than ever. I started questioning what I was doing and why i was doing those particular things. Getting dolled up and preying on victims was no longer appealing to me. Roaming club to club, drink-to-drink had gotten old. I got tired of pretending to be interested in the guy buying me a drink.  I got tired of not remembering the night before. I got tired of randoms calling my phone. I got tired of having to play nice. I just got tired.

See, the thing was I had a hole I kept trying to fill. But the more I kept trying to fill this hole, the more I felt empty.  Please believe me when I say I tried everything I could to turn off the funky/blah attitude to get back to what I thought was fun. However, the more and more I tried to run that more tired I got of partying.

At the time I did not understand that no dress, man, nor alcohol could fill this void. It was not until I turned my life over to Christ, that is when that “blah” mood left me.

So sister, I write this to you. I know you’re tired of playing nice for fun-sake. I know you’re tired of getting dolled up even though you no longer desire going out partying.  I know the chase of a guy no longer satisfies you and now you wonder, what now? I know this because I’ve been in that exact position.

My answer to your emptiness: God.

You can keep roaming. Or you can stop what you’re doing and get to know God. My sister, I promise you a relationship with Christ is far better than anything this world has to offer you.  Ask me how I know and I will honestly answer you.  My life has not been the same since the day I turned my life over to Christ.